Recently a colleague, decades younger than me who identifies as part of the LGBTQ community as I do, asked, “Do you always have to keep coming out?” Thinking quickly back over my life, the answer was, “yes”. No one knows your sexual orientation unless they know you. It can’t be seen by the naked eye. There are no physical markings. It’s not in the way you walk or your mannerism or the tone in your voice. So yes, if you’re a gay male wearing a wedding ring or if you say you’re married, you will have to occasionally have to answer the question, “what’s your wife’s name?” And yes, you will have to mentally maneuver how to tailor your response.

Similarly, no one knows what your religious beliefs are unless they know you.

But don’t mistake that I’m going to make a case that coming out about your sexual orientation is the same as revealing your religious beliefs. Globally, we expect that folks have and will announce their religious beliefs and practices, it’s just that folks don’t always like the specifics of how and what others believe. Differences in sexual orientation on the other hand don’t enjoy nearly the same wide swath of liberties on such a global scale.

Even though not the same, I’ve still witnessed some peculiarities when I’ve broached the topic of my religious beliefs and practices. It’s made me wonder, are folks uncomfortable hearing that you’re a Christian? And if so, why?

“Does being a Christian require you to tell people what you’re NOT, more so than what you are?”

In certain circles, it definitely seems so. Without naming those circles and those who are in those circles, there seems to be a lot more comfort with saying anything but.

If you say you’re a Buddhist (“That’s cool, man.”)

If you say you’re Jewish (“That’s interesting. How was your holiday and what did you cook for your Seder?”)

If you say you “don’t believe in any of this Christianity shit” _ you’ll get affirming nods.

But if I say that I’m Episcopalian, or when asked what I did this weekend and I say that I’m involved with my church’s service, the silence that follows can be very loud.

When talking about why this is with a close friend, the response I got was, “Even though this has become a bigger part of your life this year, no one wants to hear about your Christianity because they’re afraid of what comes next.”

So, I started thinking about what could come next in other people’s minds, and made the following list, along with my responses:

• I’ll talk constantly about Christianity with the hope that you’ll convert or give money to my Church. (Not going to happen. I have a pluralistic view of life, and don’t think anyone has to convert.)
• I’ll talk about how I hate my homosexuality. (Not going to happen. We can discuss this at great length and a lot of folks would disagree, but I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with homosexuality, even from a religious sense.)
• I’ll talk about how science is all fake. (Not going to happen. I like and believe in the marvels of science. I believe that Evolution fits along side the Book of Genesis.)
• I’ll only promote gospel music and concerts. (I cannot imagine this happening. I love secular music too much. But I’m down for an occasional listen of Elvis’ or Johnny Cash’s gospel albums.)
• I’ll start handing out pamphlets on street corners. (I admire those who do because that’s a tough gig. But I would be uncomfortable thinking I’m handing out something to someone who’s just taking it to avoid me and throwing it away later. So, no.)
• I’ll stop drinking and swearing and expect you to do the same. (Definitely NOT happening on both counts.)
• Or bundle it all up, and I’ll become like Carrie White’s mother …

So, after making the list I noticed a funny thing (funny-strange, not funny-ha-ha).

Does being a Christian require you to tell people what you’re not, more so than what you are? Is there a set of expected characteristics that I must contest just to make one thing about me (my religious belief) more palatable?

Or maybe it’s just me. (Which is not out of the realm of possibilities.)

But then spend some time with this series of articles from the Pew Research Center in 2021 _ https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/12/14/about-three-in-ten-u-s-adults-are-now-religiously-unaffiliated/ _ and it’s easy to see that the religious unaffiliated in this country is growing, and when asked why _ https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/08/08/why-americas-nones-dont-identify-with-a-religion/ _ this is their responses.

So maybe it isn’t me.

That said, it’s sad to me that this is the trend. But I also get it. I think somehow, somewhere over the course of time, religious institutions put themselves in this position.

In the meantime, it’s not my goal to make folks feel uneasy, nor am I seeking sympathy. But I’m hopeful that with better leadership, better messaging, and better education of the good news of Christianity, folks see, read, hear, learn the same things that have made me happier.

Or at the very least realize that being a Christian does not require you to change the person you are. You can still drink at your local pub, swear at your sports team on their TV, and play Motorhead on their jukebox. There is a good chance that’s what you will find me doing.