A sermon for Mark 10:2-9 Presented at Christ Christ, Bordentown, NJ, Oct 5-6, 2024)

The best words I ever heard at anyone’s wedding was when I heard the priest tell the about-to-be married couple that there will be difficult times ahead, and that you will feel this friendship strained at times. And when this happens, I want you to think about this day and remember the love you have for each other right now and the vow you’re taking.

Because despite the pageantry, despite the dress that was said ‘yes’ to, and despite the designed wedding cake _the wedding day_ is a day of vows. Vows_ that you promise to love the person next to you for the rest of your life. Vows_ that you are joining your lives together.

And people join their lives together in all sorts of ways. Sometimes with this union, sons and daughters are created and/or adopted. Sometimes just cats and dogs are adopted. Sometimes the married couple don’t live together. Sometimes, and at times, they have a lot in common, and sometimes they don’t. And the variations go on and on.

Whatever it may be, what makes the marriage is that two people join their lives together, and when done in Church, it’s having God as their witness.

So, this question from the Pharisees about the legality of divorce, that attempts to draw Jesus into a contradiction of his teaching, raises the question of_ what is divorce? Conversely, it draws us to the question of_ what is marriage?

Jesus’ response to the Pharisees is that the Law for divorce was shaped to the character of those, for whom it was written. So that with a certificate, a woman who was now dismissed as an unworthy wife, was permitted to marry again.

But also, Jesus’ response hearkens back to the Book of Genesis and the reason for the origin of woman, which was for Adam to have help.

Thus, it was for men and women to have companionship, and that companionship comes in many forms_ to join together in friendship _ or in a formal committed friendship to join their lives together _ or to have offspring.

Each version of these companionships is two persons coming together as one, for men and women to live with each other, love one another, and to continue a fellowship of man.

When Jesus says, “what God has joined together, let no one separate”, it points to the notion that you shouldn’t just write off companionship with a certificate.

So let’s apply this to the real world of companionship in today’s times. As a person that has spent almost sixty years on this planet, I can relate to the expression that friendships are either for a reason, a season, or forever.

Let’s also be realistic. Hardening-of-hearts happens. Forever-friendships-ending, happens. Divorce, happens. Sometimes it’s supposed to happen. Sometimes it should happen. But judgment of these circumstances is not what we’re exploring in today’s Gospel.

Instead, we’re exploring our relationships with each other, how we relate to each other, and how this is linked to Jesus teaching us to love each other.

The theologian Aelred of Rievaulx wrote a book on friendship in 1164 and you can see in that book how a friendship that he described as “frivolous excess” would be a “reason” friendship, a friendship that he describes as for “something to gain” as a “season” friendship, and the “forever” friendships as truly spiritual. These forever spiritual friendships he describes come from two persons having the “likeness of life, habits, and interests” and also having “an agreement in things human and divine, with goodwill and charity”. He goes on to argue that a friendship based on this should last forever. And due to their complex and intimate nature, human beings will only have a few forever spiritual friendships in a lifetime.

He says that “Such a spiritual friend is a partner of your soul.” Moreover, this spiritual friend will in “silence protect all the secrets of your spirit _ and will …endure according to their ability anything wicked they see in your soul.” Sound familiar? It should because it’s the same friendship that you have with Jesus.

Thus, something this rare on earth should be sacred, held with the highest regard. If the friendship should be forever, then it should not be easily written off and we should thank God for having it.

And when it is a sacred and spiritual friendship that we can vow to each other as a marriage, it’s a promise to God to hold this companionship forever.

Just like the other six sacraments, marriage is a gift _ a divine gift of grace celebrated with a visible rite.

Jesus’ message is_ it’s a choice to do what you want with that gift. But before returning that gift, we should consider unhardening our hearts and think back on that wedding day and ask do I really want to write off this marriage?

And when anyone has reached that level of sacred spiritual friend, wedding or not, the same question arises. Either way all that’s being asked is that we firmly search our hearts before we walk away from any rare spiritual friendship.

Amen.

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And now for some inspirational music …